Tuesday, September 9, 2008

#3 Black Rimmed Glasses

An essential part of living the underground lifestyle is looking the part. Since most of the time people are looking at your head, having a cool pair of black-rimmed glasses (or "horn-rimmed" glasses if you're my mainstream little sister) is essential. These glasses need to be durable, rectangular, and free from any insignias which might tie them back to an Italian or French designer.

If you already have glasses you're in a good position to trade in those old Tommy Hilfiger wire-frames you've had since high school and get som

e cool, dark "blackies." If you don't currently wear glasses then you're going to have to go to the optometrist for an eye exam and lie about being able to see the letters on the wall. Don't worry, lying is underground.

The doctor is going to put a huge thing on your head that looks like a gigantic metal View-Master. They'll start flipping swithces and moving dials and asking things like "what looks better one, or two.? One . . . or two?" You don't want to tell the truth so just say something ambiguous like "whatever...they both suck."

After the exam you'll get your frames. Again, get a pair that fits well and are durable because you'll be wearing your glasses for everything you do that's underground . . . biking through downtown, swimming in local creeks that no one's heard about, showering thrice a week, eating local organic Thai food, etc. And believe me, you do not want to drop your new frames in your Pad Se Ew, you'll be the laughing stock of all your hipster friends. And hipsters don't like laughing, so they'll be pissed.


Anonymous said...

The more retro/vintage the frames look the better.
And you are totally right, it's EXTREMELY underground to wear black rimmed glasses when you don't even need glasses. That's SO underground.

Elsa Nekola said...

Very popular right now: hipsters wearing oversized sunglasses of all different colors, taking pictures of themselves wearing these sunglasses, taking pictures of their friends wearing these sunglasses, and posting them on myspace, facebook or flickr. Why are hipsters so obsessed with huge sunglasses?