Friday, September 12, 2008

#6 Mustaches

There are a completely different set of rules that govern the hair that goes on top of your head vs. the hair that goes on the front of your face. First of all, having hair on the top of your head is optional if you want to be underground. Just look at all the badass people in history that have been bald or semi-bald; Mr. T, Mini-Me, Montel Williams. All bald, all underground.

But facial hair is a different story. Accidentally wear a baseball cap one day and all of a sudden you look like the short stop for the 1987 New York Mets. Accidentally wear a Hawaiian shirt and people think that you're Magnum P.I. Mustaches have to be carefully coordinated and thought out. They're a commitment, and growing and maintaining one should not be taken lightly.

To grow a completely underground mustache, it is recommended that you take some time off what you're doing so that you're not walking around with a half-grown mustache, or a "halfie." Anywhere from 3 to 8 weeks should be sufficient, depending on how good you are at growing facial hair. This time off is a perfect opportunity to do several underground things with your time. Volunteer for a not-for-profit in Central America, back-pack across Southeast Asia, or go on a road trip to a national park here in your own back yard. For our Swedish readers, I recommend Blå Jungfrun, its beautiful.

Either way these are all places where daily or weekly showers are optional, and should offer ample opportunity for facial hair growth. By the time you get back a fresh 'stache should be in place and will practically be starting conversations for you. Next time you're at Rontom's or Rotture and someone asks, "Cool mustache, where'd you get it?" Be ready to respond with something hip like, "Oh this thing, ya I grew it while I was in Thailand. We camped on the beach for like 3 days and ate nothing but rice and banana leaves. It was so underground..."


Tyler said...

I'm sure everyone has seen this classic underground skit, but it still makes me laugh...

Anonymous said...

The olympics are so underground.