Monday, September 29, 2008

#11 Vice Presidents

By definition, being a vice presidential candidate is underground. It means you're probably not smooth enough, good looking enough, or smart enough to be the presidential candidate. Being awkward, ugly, and dumb are all things that make someone underground so this tends to make perfect sense. This year we're blessed to have two VP candidates who are so underground that even Canadians want to vote in our election. In case you don't know too much about our candidates, here are two brief bio's I've prepared in order to make sure that people are educated going into November.

Sarah Palin: Sarah was born in an igloo in the North Pole in 1987. She killed her first moose when she was 14 and started playing hockey when she was 2. One time she tried putting lipstick on a pitbull, but then the pitbull punched her in the head and got a two minute penalty for high-sticking. Her BFF is Katie Couric, who she met at the University of Idaho because they lived in the same hall and made out with the same boy at Matt Smith's F4 in 1991. Sarah has 7 kids who are named Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, and Sneezy.

Joe Biden: Joe has been bald since he was
 12. His friends call him Mike Williams. He's never killed a moose but tends to kill a joke at least once a speech. He once told a congressman in a wheelchair to stand up for recognition, which was the most embarrassing thing he did that week. He takes the train to work every day, so I don't think he can afford a car. One time when he was running for president he plagiarized a speech from an Italian politician and got in trouble and had to drop out. I think people noticed when he started talking in Itallian, so the joke's on them.

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