Thursday, October 2, 2008

#12 Breakfast

People who are underground don't go to church on Sunday morning, they go to breakfast.  Talk to any hipster and they'll tell you about a breakfast burrito or eggs benedict that made them believe in God.  Often times people in the media have referred to sports arenas or skyscrapers as our "modern day cathedrals."  But in Portland our cathedrals are 2-stories tall and give you coffee while you wait.

Most breakfast places in town are packed on Sunday mornings.  This is usually the bi-product of a crowd that had too many Pabst or whiskey-waters the night before.  Hungry, cranky, and hungover, it's the underground ritual to seek out a breakfast place where the wait staff is equally as cranky, and probably a little more hungover.

Waiting in line is the best part about the Sunday morning breakfast experience.  A group of underground friends can find themselves in all sorts of witty and hip conversation, usually recapping the wild events of the night before or talking about the latest trends in bicycle fashion.  Its not unusual to wait for an hour-and-a-half, only to get a table inside next to the garbage can or outside in the blaring sun.  Then you have to put up with service and food prep that isn't exactly quick.  Let's just say that most Sunday-morning breakfast line cooks couldn't exactly cut it on Iron Chef America.  The secret ingredient: bagels!

An essential element to any good breakfast place is good vegetarian breakfast-meat.  You definitely need to have options like vegi-sausage links, vegi-bacon, or vegi-chicken-fried-steak so that you can feel like you're eating meat, but you don't have to spend the rest of your day with a guilty conscience.  If you're Greek though, then no vegi-meat for you.  Greeks don't believe in vegetarians.  Or Greek omelettes for that matter.  Just get the French Toast.


partee said...

look for restaurants advertising, 'breakfast served all day.' This gives you more opportunity to get your underground on.

thanks to your tips and keen observations, I have become better acquainted with my underground self.

many thanks.

Anonymous said...

I work at a diner in Madison, Wisconsin which is frequented by hipsters and middle-aged lesbians. We have vegan milkshakes and a sandwich called the GBLT (guacomole, bacon, lettuce, tomato).

resen said...

funny thing is the greasy spoon is the ultimate underground...anyplace you have to wait an hour and half for slop is definitely not underground. contradiction is so underground.